Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
