Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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