i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
