Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
