And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
