Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize