considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His nipple licking is glorious
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