Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
