I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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