Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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