Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
