the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
