I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
pop tarts are not kleenex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
