Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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