I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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