i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
