I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
