If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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