Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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