I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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