You smell like a Billy Joel song
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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