Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
