It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
