soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
