i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
PANTIES FOUND
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