i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
