i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
