while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
