Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
jump out the window naked night went bad
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