i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize