Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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