pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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