You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
