my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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