After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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