i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
