I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
