Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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