I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
