Got a toothbrush?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize