We're like a lot better than the average bears
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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