Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
