Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize