Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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