i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
