we're chasing vodka with high fives
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
