Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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