mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize