I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
