Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize