You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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