im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
