The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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