i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize