really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
