I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
