never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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