You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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