I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
