It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
