Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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