Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
