There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
