Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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