I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am naked and annoyed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
