did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
