I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
