No more Irish car bombs ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
