K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
