Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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