Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
