I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
