If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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