Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
being pregnant is like rehab
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
