I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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