whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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