What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
