Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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