Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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