I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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